Dear Fiona, you are one month old.
I love you. You are now one month old. I’d say something silly like “I can’t believe you’re already so big” but the truth is you’re still so itty bitty. And I can believe it. Every single day over the past month I’ve thought of nearly nothing but you. Watching, and photographing, and thinking about your every move. You are the most precious little being on the entire earth.
You’re asleep right now, making noises like you love to do. And sometimes smiling in your sleep. You smile a lot for a newborn. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Your eyes are bright and alert and shiny when you’re awake, and you look at me a lot, like you know something special and are waiting for the day you can tell me.
Baby Girl, this has been such a special month for your mama. I’m learning how to be your mom. And you’re helping me a lot – helping me figure out what it is that you need. Lots of times you just need me to hold you. Sometimes you want me to put you down, because you love to stretch out on your back and get your space. You’re a super long baby, born at 22 inches and now 22.5 inches and in the 96th percentile for your height. Mama is not very long, so this makes me smile.
One day I’ll tell you all about how you were born, and how I felt when you were in my belly. I loved every part of being pregnant with you. When it came time for you to be born, things got more tough than they had been for mama for all of 9 months. In fact, all of 30 years. It took you 30 hours to make your way into this world, and things got a little bit scary. Your Daddy was there with me, and we could not wait to meet you, and I did my very very best to think about you the whole time and to keep on going. In the end the doctors had to open up my belly and pull you out. When I first saw you, I had on a silly hat and was laying on a table and they handed you to Daddy, who held you with his strong arms and talked to you. I loved seeing you so much, even if I couldn’t hold you right away. This made me very sad at first, and I cried so much when I first got to be with you that early, early morning on July 15. You were so perfect. You ARE so perfect. I just missed you so, so much for that two hours that you weren’t in my belly or in my arms.
Even though my belly hurt really bad and still does sometimes, and everything was very different from what I had planned for us, I believe with all of my heart that you were born the way you were meant to be born. Thank you for teaching me about that, and helping me open my heart and be still and slow down and just be okay with not having everything be perfect.
Lots of people say you look just like Daddy. Your eyes and your eyebrows and your grin remind me of him. Your hair color and skin color and the shape of your face look like me when I was a tiny baby. I think you look just like you. So, so beautiful.
Fiona is an Irish name and means “white,” “fair,” “beautiful,” and “little white flower.” Daddy is Irish and your name matches our last name very well. I like to think of you as my little flower. Wren is also a name we were excited to give you. Wrens are song birds with beautiful voices and they are very happy and smart birds. Daddy got a picture of this bird on his arm so he can show the world forever how much he loves you, his baby girl. There is also a story about a wren that I love. There was a contest among all birds, about who could fly the very highest toward the heavens. The wren knew the she was little and couldn’t beat the bigger, stronger birds, and so she hopped onto the back of the eagle, who was strong and fast. The eagle flew hard and fast into the sky and just when he thought he had won, and stopped flying, the wren hopped off his back and flew just a little bit higher. See, little Wren, I believe you’re going to be just as clever. I can’t wait to tell you that story, and lots of stories.
I love you, my baby girl, Fiona Wren. It has been a happy one month.